Monday, December 13, 2010
Loving you is easy - Marié Digby
Love this song when i first stumble upon it. It makes me hunger for someone to hold me... definately want this song to be my first dance during my wedding. If i ever get married...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Relatives
I was invited for a brunch to celebrate my aunt's baby shower - without the baby. Yea, I know...what's the point of having a baby shower without the baby there! Anyway...
I didn't know that she's pregnant. That's how long I never hear from my relatives. I went to the restaurant dressed up nicely. All my other relatives were there; three full tables of them. One of my uncle commented that I look older... I was like Duh! I'm not that teenage girl anymore. I grow up and I evolved to become a woman! I'm turning 30 next year. Although many told me that I look way younger than my age. I take it as a compliment.
It was awkward but kind of expected that they are asking a lot of question that sometime they have already know the answer. Have you been travelling lately? To where? Travel for holiday or for work? I was like, HELLLOO~ you obviously knew I travelled to Melbourne coz your sister called me when I was there and I told her about my trip! And you all being savvy at "communicating"all these information I doubt that you will miss this piece. why can't you just said, I heard that you travel to Melbourne for a holiday lately, how's your trip? -_-!
Then one by one started to ask whether I have a boyfriend now and ask me to bring him along to meet my relatives. When I said no, they will throw in the standard line.. You are so pretty, how come still single? Sure there's a lot of rich guys would want to be with you. Then I went, It's not that easy to get nice guy nowadays and I'm not in a hurry. Then they went, You are picky is it? Hmm, it's only natural coz girls nowadays must find someone that can take care of them and financially can afford to give you a better living. Then you don't have to work. Then I counter, Haha.. I want to work and have financial freedom so that I can take care of myself. I don't have to count on my husband 100%. If something happen, at least I can take care of myself. They totally shut-up and I make an excuse to fled the scene.
Some of them were pointing out that I did not call them when I arrived. OMFG! There are 3 tables full of you people. I will do that when I see you face to face but not going to table by table to acknowledge your present and call your name as form of respect. There are a few people that I can't remember their name, I need time to recall! Why won't any of your children who are in lower hierarchy than me in the family come to me to acknowledge my present as a form of respect?? All they do is running around from table to table, yelling at the top of their lung, distracting the waiters, playing around, lift up their shirt to show nipples to everyone in the restaurant... Did the parents doing anything to safe their beloved children and themselves from public embarrassment? They did nothing!! Ohh wait a minute... my aunt actually shouted to her child "Put your shirt down now!" so loud that the a few tables near us stop eating and turn their head to her and then the child. She should have walk over to her son and pull him aside instead of shouting across to get the massage sent. I don't blame the child for such behaviour coz they probably do not know what's the meaning of embarrassment. I blame the parents!
Another aunt came to my table to invite me to her house Christmas Eve dinner. She talked so loud that my eardrums almost get destroyed. I hated her. And, I still hate her... whenever I see her it reminds me of how she treated me when I stayed at her place when I was studying here. It's a yearly thing that all my relatives will gather at her house to have Christmas dinner. I don't feel like going to her Christmas Eve dinner this year. I quickly make an excuse not to confirm my attendance.
All these is going to repeat again during Chinese New Year. Damn irritating and boring. Yawn. -_-
I didn't know that she's pregnant. That's how long I never hear from my relatives. I went to the restaurant dressed up nicely. All my other relatives were there; three full tables of them. One of my uncle commented that I look older... I was like Duh! I'm not that teenage girl anymore. I grow up and I evolved to become a woman! I'm turning 30 next year. Although many told me that I look way younger than my age. I take it as a compliment.
It was awkward but kind of expected that they are asking a lot of question that sometime they have already know the answer. Have you been travelling lately? To where? Travel for holiday or for work? I was like, HELLLOO~ you obviously knew I travelled to Melbourne coz your sister called me when I was there and I told her about my trip! And you all being savvy at "communicating"all these information I doubt that you will miss this piece. why can't you just said, I heard that you travel to Melbourne for a holiday lately, how's your trip? -_-!
Then one by one started to ask whether I have a boyfriend now and ask me to bring him along to meet my relatives. When I said no, they will throw in the standard line.. You are so pretty, how come still single? Sure there's a lot of rich guys would want to be with you. Then I went, It's not that easy to get nice guy nowadays and I'm not in a hurry. Then they went, You are picky is it? Hmm, it's only natural coz girls nowadays must find someone that can take care of them and financially can afford to give you a better living. Then you don't have to work. Then I counter, Haha.. I want to work and have financial freedom so that I can take care of myself. I don't have to count on my husband 100%. If something happen, at least I can take care of myself. They totally shut-up and I make an excuse to fled the scene.
Some of them were pointing out that I did not call them when I arrived. OMFG! There are 3 tables full of you people. I will do that when I see you face to face but not going to table by table to acknowledge your present and call your name as form of respect. There are a few people that I can't remember their name, I need time to recall! Why won't any of your children who are in lower hierarchy than me in the family come to me to acknowledge my present as a form of respect?? All they do is running around from table to table, yelling at the top of their lung, distracting the waiters, playing around, lift up their shirt to show nipples to everyone in the restaurant... Did the parents doing anything to safe their beloved children and themselves from public embarrassment? They did nothing!! Ohh wait a minute... my aunt actually shouted to her child "Put your shirt down now!" so loud that the a few tables near us stop eating and turn their head to her and then the child. She should have walk over to her son and pull him aside instead of shouting across to get the massage sent. I don't blame the child for such behaviour coz they probably do not know what's the meaning of embarrassment. I blame the parents!
Another aunt came to my table to invite me to her house Christmas Eve dinner. She talked so loud that my eardrums almost get destroyed. I hated her. And, I still hate her... whenever I see her it reminds me of how she treated me when I stayed at her place when I was studying here. It's a yearly thing that all my relatives will gather at her house to have Christmas dinner. I don't feel like going to her Christmas Eve dinner this year. I quickly make an excuse not to confirm my attendance.
All these is going to repeat again during Chinese New Year. Damn irritating and boring. Yawn. -_-
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Shit Happens, So What??
Shit happens. I found out something that I knew all along but always, ALWAYS manage to harvest so much excuses for not accepting it.
Yes, I'm in that delusional state for a very long time. Until last night, when my curiosity gets the better of me.... I literally walk to the well, bend over and jump right into it. It was a dark and long ride down there. A lot of things when through my mind on the journey to the pit. My heart literally stop when I hit the bottom.
It was one hell of a fall. I was bruised and it hurts badly. My head was spinning...round and round it went. Restless. However, there was not even a single drop of tears found streaming from my eyes. That BIG slap on my face. All of a sudden I don't know how I suppose to feel anymore. It suddenly become clear...
It was a tough night for me. I couldn't bring myself to sleep. I tried very hard to get all my emotion and my imagination box up, and throw it to a far away land... I even resort to sheep counting. After a couple of hours, my body gets tired and give in finally.
The next morning, I woke-up early. Told myself to leave the box to where I left it, walk away and never look back. I prepared myself to work and put on a great attitude. I have to fake it even though I don't feel like it. Everytime my legs get wobbly, I told myself to stand straight and walk ahead with head held up. Never fall back. Move forward. I stayed focus on my work. Speak as loud as I can....no, it's not for the audience. It's for me. I need to listen to my voice. I need to be sure of myself. I need to listen to that voice that reminds me not to fall back. That's the voice of my sanity... I need it badly.
The day cames to the end. I'm finally inmune to what-ever-the-shit.
It's fucking over.
I'm happy that I've made it.
Yes, I'm in that delusional state for a very long time. Until last night, when my curiosity gets the better of me.... I literally walk to the well, bend over and jump right into it. It was a dark and long ride down there. A lot of things when through my mind on the journey to the pit. My heart literally stop when I hit the bottom.
It was one hell of a fall. I was bruised and it hurts badly. My head was spinning...round and round it went. Restless. However, there was not even a single drop of tears found streaming from my eyes. That BIG slap on my face. All of a sudden I don't know how I suppose to feel anymore. It suddenly become clear...
It was a tough night for me. I couldn't bring myself to sleep. I tried very hard to get all my emotion and my imagination box up, and throw it to a far away land... I even resort to sheep counting. After a couple of hours, my body gets tired and give in finally.
The next morning, I woke-up early. Told myself to leave the box to where I left it, walk away and never look back. I prepared myself to work and put on a great attitude. I have to fake it even though I don't feel like it. Everytime my legs get wobbly, I told myself to stand straight and walk ahead with head held up. Never fall back. Move forward. I stayed focus on my work. Speak as loud as I can....no, it's not for the audience. It's for me. I need to listen to my voice. I need to be sure of myself. I need to listen to that voice that reminds me not to fall back. That's the voice of my sanity... I need it badly.
The day cames to the end. I'm finally inmune to what-ever-the-shit.
It's fucking over.
I'm happy that I've made it.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Blue Under
Finally! I've gather my courage and enrolled myself in a open water diving course. I've been wanting to do this some time ago. I thought, what the heck. We live only once and so far I haven't really achieve a lot in my life. I need to get out of my mundane life. I need a break from work shit. I need a break from relathionship shit. I need a break from my daily schedule. I need the hidden part of me to be waken. I need to do someting random. I need to experience a different world. I need another reason to live.
With the help of some new found friends who happen to dive and play poker - yea, they taught me the art of playing poker - i got myself a divemaster, a few lesson and a diving holiday at Pulau Tioman (the open water dive certification by PADI)
For a start, I don't really know how to swim ... not if you call sucking in breath and fantically moving my limbs at different direction to stay afloat and work my way inch by inch to the other side of the pool, swimming. My first lesson was a confined water dive in a pool. It's a one to one session with Richard, the divemaster. There were so much equipment required for diving. Understanding and fixing up all the equipment is pretty easy for me. The air cylinder is freaking heavy (weighing more than me) and Richard make me carry it and walk around (!!) to familiarise with the weight.
After the hand signal lesson, we got ourselves into the pool. With the regulator, I went down to the blue... the first time I breathe under water without choking myself. I kept reminding myself to breathe thru my mouth.. in, out, in, out.. Soon after, I begin to get the hang of it.
The feeling is weird and peculiar. Everything I see is so clear, so blue...and there's some micro organism floating around. I hear nothing except for the sound of air suction and my bubble blooping released itself from the regulator....almost silent. I move in slow motion. I found peace.
I began to learn some basic skill such as clearing the mask, stay under water without my regulator and mask, retrieving my regulator, buoyancy control using my breath and equicpment, swimming underwater... flipping the fin. Richard told me that one shouldn't always go up to the surface to solve the problem when encounter difficulty underwater. We have to solve it underwater.
I experienced a little difficulty when I do full mask clearing after staying a while without it together with the regulator. I was overwhelmed as it was my first time without mask and regulator. I tried clearing the mask but fail as water gets into my nose. I hate it so much when it happened. My breathing rhythem is inconsistent. Richard saw me struggling and signal me to surface. I refuse to go up. I told myself to be brave and solve it underwater. I signal him to stay. I have to learn to solve it underwater. I clear my mind and calm myself. I took out my regulator and mask. I repeat the whole set step by step. Succeed!
Richard is very proud of me. I'm his excellent student. He told me girls usually take longer time to master all the skill, easily give up and most of the time resolve in surfacing whenever they encounter difficulty underwater. Ahhh! I feel so happy! Not only that I manage to master those skills, I also manage to solve problem underwater - without knowing how to swim! Next I have to study the diving manual - 5 chapters - a lecture session and sit for a paper test. Doink~ And one more confined underwater dive.
I'm so excited about my first dive in Pulau Tioman. Three more weeks to go! ^^
With the help of some new found friends who happen to dive and play poker - yea, they taught me the art of playing poker - i got myself a divemaster, a few lesson and a diving holiday at Pulau Tioman (the open water dive certification by PADI)
For a start, I don't really know how to swim ... not if you call sucking in breath and fantically moving my limbs at different direction to stay afloat and work my way inch by inch to the other side of the pool, swimming. My first lesson was a confined water dive in a pool. It's a one to one session with Richard, the divemaster. There were so much equipment required for diving. Understanding and fixing up all the equipment is pretty easy for me. The air cylinder is freaking heavy (weighing more than me) and Richard make me carry it and walk around (!!) to familiarise with the weight.
After the hand signal lesson, we got ourselves into the pool. With the regulator, I went down to the blue... the first time I breathe under water without choking myself. I kept reminding myself to breathe thru my mouth.. in, out, in, out.. Soon after, I begin to get the hang of it.
The feeling is weird and peculiar. Everything I see is so clear, so blue...and there's some micro organism floating around. I hear nothing except for the sound of air suction and my bubble blooping released itself from the regulator....almost silent. I move in slow motion. I found peace.
I began to learn some basic skill such as clearing the mask, stay under water without my regulator and mask, retrieving my regulator, buoyancy control using my breath and equicpment, swimming underwater... flipping the fin. Richard told me that one shouldn't always go up to the surface to solve the problem when encounter difficulty underwater. We have to solve it underwater.
I experienced a little difficulty when I do full mask clearing after staying a while without it together with the regulator. I was overwhelmed as it was my first time without mask and regulator. I tried clearing the mask but fail as water gets into my nose. I hate it so much when it happened. My breathing rhythem is inconsistent. Richard saw me struggling and signal me to surface. I refuse to go up. I told myself to be brave and solve it underwater. I signal him to stay. I have to learn to solve it underwater. I clear my mind and calm myself. I took out my regulator and mask. I repeat the whole set step by step. Succeed!
Richard is very proud of me. I'm his excellent student. He told me girls usually take longer time to master all the skill, easily give up and most of the time resolve in surfacing whenever they encounter difficulty underwater. Ahhh! I feel so happy! Not only that I manage to master those skills, I also manage to solve problem underwater - without knowing how to swim! Next I have to study the diving manual - 5 chapters - a lecture session and sit for a paper test. Doink~ And one more confined underwater dive.
I'm so excited about my first dive in Pulau Tioman. Three more weeks to go! ^^
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Weepy Weddy
I watched a video of two lovers kissing after the girl agreed to accept a wedding proposal under the sea. YES, you read it right.. the guy propose under the sea. It was very touching. I know about this before I watch the video and I thought the guy propose in a special-creative-romantic way. But when I watch the video, I felt touched... not because the proposal was done under the sea but rather the moment - the love, joy and gladness - that they had. It was very simple but yet very touching. Without realising, my eyes become moist.
A lot of vivid snapshot flashes in my mind. A trail of thoughts running through my mind. Thought starts with What If.... from What If to millions of possibility desired by my heart. Noises around me slowly drowning and I'm ignorant to my surrounding. I'm in my own world again. The world that brings momentary happiness and sometime carve a smile on my face... until I snap out of it. Back to reality. The dissapointment sip in my heart. I hate myself for unable to grasp those nice moment out from that world of mine. That's when my heart start to ache...
A lot of vivid snapshot flashes in my mind. A trail of thoughts running through my mind. Thought starts with What If.... from What If to millions of possibility desired by my heart. Noises around me slowly drowning and I'm ignorant to my surrounding. I'm in my own world again. The world that brings momentary happiness and sometime carve a smile on my face... until I snap out of it. Back to reality. The dissapointment sip in my heart. I hate myself for unable to grasp those nice moment out from that world of mine. That's when my heart start to ache...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Only Heaven Knows...
Is it true that a beautiful bride is always in the arms of a regular Joe? And the charming guy is with a oh-so-plain Jane? Well, personally this is what I observed over the years. At weddings, streets, clubs, malls, restaurant, the couple in the next car at the traffic....
Honestly, I've always been attracted to charming and good looking guys. But I prefer charming guys; not so good looking but charming with good personality type. Call me judgemental, but I seriously think guys who are good looking is either lame, dumb or a jerk. They are just arm candies. And can be pretty ugly at the same time if you get what I mean...
I always wonder will I ended up with a regular Joe. I'm not ugly, but yet not so beautiful too. Just aan average pretty girl next door. Don't get me wrong. I would be a real hypocrite if I said I'm ugly or not pretty at all (Jane and Lyn who's reading, don't try my eye-rolling stun here). At times, I do look like shit too. Hahaha! It's true. But I'm thankful that I'm blessed with good skin.
I have not met my Mr Right. I've only met two that I thought they are my Mr Right. After observing much, I begin to have fear/cold feet about how my Mr Right will look like. Sometime I wish I can have a peep of my future Mr Right. Yes, I'm this inpatient.
Goshh! I know I shouldn't think this way and I shouldn't be bother because... Oh well, love is blind and it's a matter of the heart!
Just another random thought of mine...
Honestly, I've always been attracted to charming and good looking guys. But I prefer charming guys; not so good looking but charming with good personality type. Call me judgemental, but I seriously think guys who are good looking is either lame, dumb or a jerk. They are just arm candies. And can be pretty ugly at the same time if you get what I mean...
I always wonder will I ended up with a regular Joe. I'm not ugly, but yet not so beautiful too. Just a
I have not met my Mr Right. I've only met two that I thought they are my Mr Right. After observing much, I begin to have fear/cold feet about how my Mr Right will look like. Sometime I wish I can have a peep of my future Mr Right. Yes, I'm this inpatient.
Goshh! I know I shouldn't think this way and I shouldn't be bother because... Oh well, love is blind and it's a matter of the heart!
Just another random thought of mine...
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